Brink
of something
At the end of the year, I usually write myself a letter. It’s a reflection of how the past year was and how I want the next year to be. For the past 10+ years, I’ve written a letter of some kind to myself. I try to keep it up-beat. No need to beat myself up over things I can’t change.
Every single year I write that I am going to run a 100-mile race. And every year, I skip it. Life gets in the way. Boston sneaks up on me. The weather isn’t right. I’m too stressed. There are a million excuses I find. And it takes a back seat.
This year was the first year I didn’t write the letter to myself. The impact-winter was too long – the simple act of reflection felt insurmountable. Not only had I become co-founder of a business, but we also moved far away from our California home. Good or bad, a move is a move and at the end of the year I was still processing all of it.
When there was a small break in the head-clouds, I saw an opportunity to do something that made me uncomfortable. I went to a nearby run group. When I arrived early, there was no one there and I stumbled around looking for other runners. A few minutes passed as I frantically paced around checking to make sure I was in the right place. Finally, they arrived. All’s well, I patted myself on the shoulder.
It’s almost comical how quickly you can go from strangers to friends! To think I was scared, viscerally so, that I wouldn’t belong! I kept showing up. On our first bunch of runs we were running in the dark/cold of winter. All I could do was let go and let the group. No idea where I was going; the group, however new to me, my trusted guides.
Now, I wouldn’t miss it.
A friend in the group recently said, “Hey man, if you do the 100, I’ll pace for you. Would love to be part of your first big race.”
Damn, what if I hadn’t shown up? What if I went once and never returned? I wouldn’t have met these awesome humans. Such is life. You show up until it makes sense. Sometimes that happens in the first try. Other times it takes more.
I haven’t written that letter to myself yet. Maybe when I head out to Boston and get a moment to reflect on things, I will. And in that letter, I’ll write that I’m going to run a 100-miler.
Gear
When I lived in Japan, I craved corn dogs! Why? I have no idea. I didn’t grow up eating them - we weren’t the kind of family to buy snacks at a fair. But, every time I would see one at a Japanese 7/11, I need it.
When you are out running for over four hours, I promise you will start craving things you didn’t realize you ever wanted. For me, it’s Oreos. I love ‘em all. My favorite being the discontinued/limited edition Post Malone (salted caramel) flavor.
I recently picked these up. Like a gradeschooler, I usually bring them for show-and-tell to the run group. Just cuz you’re a grown up doesn't mean you can’t have fun.
What: Oreos
Price: $2.99-$4.99
Calories: 140/2pcs
Carbs: 21g
Sodium: 90mg
Sugar: 12g
Song
My music taste has been all over the place.
This song showed up on a playlist of mine recently. For a moment it made me think: damn right, it’s gonna be okay. Take a listen: